If I’m being honest with you, I’m not great at unwinding. Sure, I follow all the steps; put on a facemask, light an overpriced candle, attempt to read a chapter or two of a book I’m half interested in, but despite all this, I still find it hard to switch my brain off. Instead, as I let a Body Shop charcoal face mask harden into concrete consistency on my face, my mind is filled with to-do lists and what-ifs; concerns and worries. Did I remember to reply to that email? Has the dog been fed? Should I just cut this whole pamper session short and Marie Kondo my entire wardrobe instead?
In saying this, I’m sure I’m not alone in my very first-world struggle to relax and disconnect from the world for a bit. While I certainly have my lazy, couch potato days, the constant need to be doing something productive either leaves me organising files alphabetically on my computer and deep cleaning my bedroom, or it leaves me feeling unnecessarily guilty as Netflix asks me if I’m still there. And, yes Netflix, I am still sitting on the couch in a position that will surely give me neck and back problems in the near future, thank you for asking.
So, my fellow stress heads, please feel free to try the following tried and tested methods to hopefully switch your nagging brain off and disconnect for a bit.
Scream like Jimmy Barnes on a leisurely drive around your neighbourhood
This is by far the most effective unwinding activity one could ever participate in. Feeling frustrated about drama at work? Overwhelmed with existential dread? Simply hop in your car, put your favourite playlist on and scream to your heart’s content. I personally like to channel the iconic Jimmy Barnes as I scream out all of my once-buried anger and frustration. Once you try it, you’ll never look back.
Willingly hand over all of your private information to China as you perfect your Tik Tok algorithm
If you dismiss TikTok as a lame app that you’re too old to have as a ‘mature’ twenty-something-year-old, I simply don’t want to know you. While that may sound harsh, simply no one is too mature or too old for this godsend of an app that happens to be the only reliable thing that brings joy into my life. And yes, if granting the Chinese government access to all of my private information means I get to have a laugh or two, they can have it because I am in fact just here for a laugh.
Watch all of the Shrek movies
I don’t think I have to explain this one. Just watch them and try to feel anything other than comforted, happy and at peace with the world.
Let the wind run through your hair as you ride away from your problems on a faux-vintage bike
Now this one has been a recent discovery of mine that really allows me to channel my ‘main character’ energy if you will. So, step one requires you to find yourself a cheap vintage-looking bicycle. Please note that if it doesn’t have a basket on the front for you to store your self-help or astrology book, as well as fake leather handles, this whole exercise will not work. As for step two, cycle around your local park as you listen to ‘Ride’ by Lana Del Rey and convince yourself that everyone thinks you are the cool and mysterious girl.
While I could go on about other highly effective de-stressing methods, such as dancing in your bedroom to Justin Timberlake’s debut -and by far- best album Justified, I’ve got some serious screaming in the car to do. Happy unwinding girly pops.